Sometimes I Wonder
by el diablo
Summary: MS.IK. Oneshot. Sango falls during the final battle, and Miroku leaves the group. But was there another reason for his departure? Three years later he comes back, and we find out...


**Sometimes I Wonder**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

**A/N:** Um, this is my first attempt at an Inuyasha fic. Sorry if it sucks.

The morning was a chilly one, a despairing wind blowing about. A lone figure made his way through the town and to the edge of the forest where a solitary stone stood. The young monk knelt down and bowed his head in respect before staring at the stone again.

"It has been far too long." He said with a slight smile, obviously forced.

He couldn't bring himself to speak. It still hurt, even after all these years. Sighing, he placed some flowers on the ground while continuing to stare at the stone. Things weren't supposed to turn out this way. She was supposed to be alive; she was so young when she fell.

_Flashback_

"Sango, behind you!" Miroku yelled, sucking up demon after demon. But she turned a moment too late…and time seemed to stop as one of Naraku's minions stabbed her; the point of the sword could be seen sticking out of her lower back. Miroku ran toward her and sucked up the guy as soon as he removed the sword; Sango fell to the ground, eyes wide in shock.

"Sango!" Miroku yelled, throwing himself down beside her and gathering her in his arms. "Please, say something."

"Miroku." She said weakly, looking into his eyes; she saw more love than she could ever describe and she smiled. "Miroku, promise me you'll live on for us."

"Don't talk like that Sango, you're going to be fine." He said, fighting back tears.

She gave him a small smile before closing her eyes and gripping her stomach in pain. Miroku looked at her wound in horror; she had lost so much blood already. His attention was drawn back to her eyes when she brought her hand up to his face, placing it on his cheek; he placed his hand on top of hers, holding it there.

"I love you Sango." He whispered, kissing the palm of her hand.

"I love you too, Miroku." She smiled sadly; their time together had been far too short. "Please, promise me." She said, another jolt of pain taking over her; it was becoming harder for her to breathe.

"I promise." He sighed, giving in as he realized that she was fading fast. He didn't want to let her go; she didn't deserve this. She smiled at him again, as her breathing became more ragged.

Miroku leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips, causing a little color to return to her already pale cheeks; he already missed her blush. She looked up at him lovingly as she gave him one last smile; she knew he loved her smile.

Sango took her last breath in Miroku's arms. Had she held on a few minutes longer, she would've found out that Inuyasha and Kagome had finally defeated Naraku.

Miroku had picked up Sango's body and headed off in the direction where he knew the others were. He had unshed tears in his eyes as he walked slowly toward them. They were celebrating with the others that had helped rid the world of such a great evil.

Shippo was the first to see him and he waved him over, unaware that the girl in his arms was dead. Kagome then turned and saw him as well. She had a huge smile on her face as she looked at him; but her smile faded and she looked worried as she saw whom he was holding.

"They did it Miroku! They defeated Naraku!" Shippo shouted cheerfully as he ran up to him. "Is Sango ok?" He asked, noticing for the first time that she was in his arms.

"Miroku?" Kagome asked, joining the two since he stopped walking. She then gasped; bringing her hands up to cover her mouth as her eyes got huge. "Is she?" She asked, barely above a whisper; he merely nodded.

"Why so grim? We just defeated Naraku." Inuyasha stated, joining them; he then noticed Sango as well.

" I couldn't save her." Miroku said, holding her close. "And we were so close."

They had buried Sango that evening at the edge of Inuyasha's forest, just outside the small village. Miroku said a small prayer, blessing the spot as Kagome placed flowers on the newly packed dirt; she was still crying. Inuyasha was nearby; he put an arm around Kagome as she buried her face in his coat.

"We will miss you dearly Sango." Miroku said, before turning around and disappearing into the night.

_End flashback_

That was the last time any of them had seen him. He needed time to heal, to just get away and find some way through this. So he had returned to the place he had been raised. Mushin was still around, and he, along with Hachi, helped him a great deal.

But there were two other people who helped him as well, Kohaku and Mai. Once Naraku was defeated, Kohaku was set free. Of course, he still had the jewel shard, but he was well aware he would be the last one they'd come after. Kohaku deserved to know the truth about his past and Miroku was going to help him the best he could.

And Mai…Mai looked exactly like Sango. She was beautiful. She had her hair, her nose, her eyes…Oh how Miroku loved those eyes. To be honest, she was probably the only reason (other than the promise he made) that he had made it this long.

It wasn't known to many, in fact, Inuyasha and Kagome didn't even know; but Sango had been pregnant for a while during their travels. She had managed to hide it for a few months, and then she fell ill. Miroku took her to Mushin and she stayed there about eight months.

The others didn't understand what was wrong with her, and Miroku and Sango had decided together that it was best if the others' didn't know. Miroku would visit her constantly, sometimes months at a time and there was nothing out of the ordinary about it. Kagome had always figured they'd leave eventually.

So, Sango gave birth and her and Miroku spent a good three months with their daughter before going back to join the others. It was heart breaking for the both of them to leave her, but they couldn't endanger Mai's life as well. Miroku suggested they stay, but his wind tunnel grew tremendously one night and they feared the worst. That's when they decided to go. They spent hours arguing; Miroku wanted Sango to stay, but she wouldn't have it.

They left late one night to rejoin the others. It didn't take them long to find them, and Inuyasha and Kagome were more than surprised to see them back. Of course, they explained about Miroku's condition and Sango's "recovery".

Two weeks later was when she left him. Had she only stayed, would she still be here with them? Miroku often wondered this. He wondered how their lives would be had she not left him that day. Would they have had more children? Where would they live? It pained him to think about it.

But it had been three years since that time, and Miroku finally worked up the courage to face his friends' again. He often wondered whether or not they finally got together, whether Kagome went back to her time, whether they both did? He missed them a lot.

_Flashback_

He packed a bag and threw it over his shoulder. It contained a few sets of clothes for him and his daughter, as well as some food for them. Mai was asleep, so he quietly picked her up and held her gently in his arms as he climbed onto Kilala.

"You know the way Kilala." He smiled, patting her head; she meowed.

It hadn't taken them very long at all to get to Kaede's village. They landed and quietly made their way toward Kaede's hut. She was still alive, but at such an hour was most likely asleep. Miroku knocked anyway and she greeted him a few minutes later.

"Miroku-sama, my it has been a long time." He nodded. "Well, come in."

She led him inside and let him stay in the extra room. Miroku set his stuff aside and then lay Mai down on the futon. He didn't feel like sleeping. Just being here brought back memories; memories that he'd been running from for years.

_End flashback_

He frowned. All those memories were coming back like a ton of bricks now. He was close to her once more, and it was as if she was there as well…alive again. He closed his eyes once more, willing the memories away for now. The sun was coming up, which meant Mai would be awake soon.

He smiled at the thought of their daughter.

"You should see her now Sango. She looks just like you, acts like you too. Stubborn as ever." He laughed. "She's beautiful. And don't worry, I remind her of you every day." He then frowned and whispered, "She misses you. I miss you."

The sun was now up and Miroku decided to make his way back to Kaede's; if Mai woke up and he wasn't there, things could get ugly. On his walk back into the village, he wondered if Inuyasha and Kagome were around. Deciding that he'd ask Kaede, he began to walk a little faster.

_Kaede's hut_

"Morning Kaede." Kagome called as she entered the hut, Inuyasha following close behind her.

"Good morning child. How are ye feeling this morning?"

"Pretty good, actually." Kagome smiled, rubbing her slightly swollen belly.

"That is good. And how about ye, Inuyasha?" But before he could respond, a cry came from the other room and a little girl appeared in front of them.

"Where's my daddy?" She asked, scared, not knowing any of these people.

"Oh my gosh." Kagome gasped, staring at the child. "She looks exactly like--

"Sango?" Miroku put in, coming into the hut. The young girl ran to him and he picked her up. "Yes, she does." Mai buried her head in Miroku's shoulder as she tightened her grip around his neck. "Mai, you're strangling me." He laughed; she blushed and let go.

"Miroku, is she your daughter?" Kagome asked, staring at them.

"But of course." He smiled. "And good to see you as well, Kagome. I see you and Inuyasha have been busy." He smirked as she blushed and Inuyasha narrowed his eyes.

"You haven't changed. So, who's the kid's mom?" Inuyasha asked, crossing his arms.

"Inuyasha, don't be rude!" Kagome reprimanded him; he no longer had the rosary.

"It's alright Kagome. And I thought it'd be obvious. I mean, she does look exactly like her mother." Miroku stated, kissing her forehead.

"Sango…but, she's…"

"Remember that eight month period when she was ill?" He asked, shifting Mai's weight to the other side.

"Seriously? So that means, Mai?" Miroku nodded. "Was only a few months old when…" She trailed off. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"It is ok Kagome." Miroku smiled, setting Mai down. "So, where's Shippo?"

"Who said my name? Miroku?" Shippo jumped on his shoulder and hugged him. "Where have you been? Who's that?"

Mai was standing there shyly, clinging to her father's robes; Miroku chuckled. Shippo hopped down and faced the girl. It took him a few minutes before he decided it was Sango's reincarnation.

Everyone laughed at that.

"No Shippo, she's mine and Sango's daughter." Shippo seemed to except that as well.

"Hi. My name's Shippo!" He said cheerfully, Mai buried her face farther in her father's robes.

"Come now Mai, no need to be shy." She merely shook her head and requested he pick her up; at which point he sighed and did so. "She takes after her mother."

Kagome smiled, Miroku was a good father…and Sango would've been a good mother. She missed her friend still, but had decided it was best to move on. It had been three years after all.

Miroku spent the rest of the day catching up with Inuyasha and Kagome. He found out that they live here in the feudal era, but were still able to pass through the well. Shippo and Kilala were off playing somewhere while Mai stayed close to her dad. In fact, she was sitting on his lap at the moment, listening to everyone talk.

But after a while she became bored, and went off to play with Kilala and Shippo. Miroku smiled as he watched Shippo toss her a ball; she missed it, but chased after it none the less.

"She needed that." Miroku stated, still staring at his daughter. "She can be very clingy at times, but I suppose that's my fault." He sighed. "It's difficult raising her on my own. Mind you, I love her more than anything and wouldn't trade it for the world; but it would be so much easier if Sango were here."

"Of course it would." Kagome smiled sympathetically as Miroku faced them again. "We all miss her." She whispered; Inuyasha just crossed his arms and looked away.

A little while later they decided it was time for lunch, so they headed back to Kaede's. Mai was holding Miroku's hand while staring intently at Kagome. The girl seemed different somehow, like she belonged in another time; she was three and she noticed this, go figure.

"Miss Kagome, where are you from?" Mai asked shyly as they came into few of the village.

"Oh! I'm from the future. Ha, that sounds so weird. I mean, I'm from another time, years from now. But I was able to travel here and fell in love with the place and my friends." She smiled at Miroku.

Mai seemed to become more comfortable around them as they ate and talked, she even let Kagome braid her hair; Miroku was more than happy. But it seemed Mai was still a bit skeptical about Inuyasha; though she seemed to like his ears.

Kagome and Inuyasha left a little while after lunch, claiming they promised Kagome's mom they'd visit or something. Miroku didn't mind though, he needed some time to himself after all they'd talked about earlier. He was glad to see his friends', but Sango's presence seemed to still linger among them. And it seemed wrong earlier when she wasn't with them while they were eating, or talking.

Mai fell asleep for a while, and Miroku meditated. That didn't last long though, because Mai woke up crying. Miroku was at her side immediately, pulling her into his arms.

"I want mommy." She cried, trying to breakfree of his grasp. "I want her! Where is she? Mommy!" She shouted, as hot tears escaped her tightly clinched eyes, staining her cheeks.

"Shhh. Mai, mommy isn't here. It's ok." Miroku soothed, fighting back the hurt he felt when she screamed for Sango; he wanted Sango too.

Mai soon calmed down and fell back asleep in Miroku's arms. He sat down and leaned his back against the wall, still holding her. This wasn't the first time this happened, but it was painful each time. The memories of her death haunted him constantly, but he pushed them aside, telling himself it wasn't his fault; and it wasn't.

Miroku decided that he would take Mai to Sango's grave later that evening. He believed she needed to see it, hoping that maybe she would be able to feel her as well.

_Later that night_

Miroku did as he said and took Mai to Sango's grave. Mai smiled when she saw the stone. She placed a flower next the one's Miroku had put there earlier; he smiled at that. Mai then went over to her father and sat down on his lap.

"I miss mommy." She said quietly, closing her eyes.

Miroku felt the wind pick up a little and he could have sworn he heard Sango's voice; but it was just his mind playing tricks on him. He sighed as he held Mai closer, trying to keep her warm. Mai seemed to be perfectly content where she was, and soon drifted off into a peaceful sleep. Miroku looked down at her and couldn't help but smile; she really did look like Sango.

_Sango, you have no idea how much it hurts to live on without you. But I could never desert our daughter. _He thought, tucking a strand of hair behind Mai's ear.

Miroku watched the sun set, as he would many times with Sango, before standing up and heading back to the village. He paused though, before the forest was out of sight, and turned around to look at her grave once more.

For a second, he could've sworn he saw her standing there, smiling at him; and he felt a cold chill run down his spine. But when he looked back she was gone. It was in that moment that all those feelings and thoughts returned to him; his love for Sango and Mai, Sango's life, how things would've been different had she not died that day…

He turned his head up toward the sky and stared at the stars as they came into view.

_You know, Sango; I often wonder who you'd be today._

**A/N: **Yeah, sorry if anyone is out of character. And sorry if I spelled any of the names wrong. Like I said, my first attempt at and Inuyasha fic. Well, let me know what you thought! And I'll let you know what I thought...

I'm not exactly sure if it really makes sense. Then again, I never make sense. So yeah, whatever. Basically it was just something I wrote the other night and it's been bugging me to the point where I actually decided to post it. And yeah, I was listening to "Who You'd Be Today" when I wrote it...


End file.
